Mother's Day

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On the eve of Mother’s Day, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it really means to be a mother. It’s a gift, a blessing, a non-refundable life-long agreement. Being a mother gives so much, but also takes the greatest of tolls. I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world, but there is one thing I would like to experience: I would want to spend one day as a father.

This isn’t a lash-out to all the fathers out there. I know there are a lot of great fathers who really put in the effort and do an amazing job, but there are also a lot of fathers who just don’t get it. Mother’s Day is all about mothers, so dads, this is for us moms, don’t take it personally even if we sometimes feel this way:       

I would like to know what it feels like to come home and have the children greet me with squeals of joy and excitement. There wouldn’t be any tantrums or tears, those have been spent on mom and are also saved for mom for later.     

I could come home and lay down on the couch for some me-time. Depending on my household, it would either be nice and clean when I get there, or it could be a chaos, but it wouldn’t disturb me. I might not in fact even notice.

I could go to the bathroom alone, and sit there with my smartphone for twenty minutes, uninterrupted. I could seclude myself from my surroundings, just be there by myself.

I could take a nap. Mothers know how hard-working fathers need a nap after a long day at work or just to celebrate the luxury of being at home during the weekend, so she would entertain the kids while I rest. I mean it’s exhausting to adult all day. The kids might try to wake me, but with the use of an incredible Off-button, it wouldn’t get to me, I know how to relax.

Instead of bothering to look for a pair of socks or a T-shirt, I can always just ask. There’s a reason for why there is a mom in the house – she knows these things; she knows where everything is located and makes sure that the laundry is done so I don’t have to worry about running out of clean things to wear. That’s the cool thing about a hamper, you put your clothes in it and they magically reappear in your closet. And actually, you don’t even need to use a hamper, even if you leave your socks in the middle of the floor, they will still appear clean in your dresser!

When it’s my turn to “have to” take the kids to the park or with me to the store, it’s enough that I jump in the shower, get myself dressed, and get in the car to wait for the kids to get in. Kind of pointless to even begin thinking about what the kids might need to have with – I know the mother takes care of these kinds of things. Sure, I could try, but that might be in vain, I mean what could kids possibly need to have with them for a couple hour outing? And two-year old’s can dress themselves, right?

I could do something special, perhaps prepare dinner. But that would of course mean that I don’t need to worry about the dishes or cleaning up afterwards – seriously, I just prepared some amazing meat on the barbecue for my family, someone else can clear up afterwards!

Were it to be so that my day as a father happened to fall on a day close after the birth of a child, oh the bliss! All that hard work holding baby mama’s hand as she went through labor, seriously must be rewarded by a boy’s night out and celebration. It’s a tough job bringing a child to this world!

Were there to be an infant in the house, I would enjoy my well-deserved sleep through the night. Preferably in another room so I wouldn’t be awoken by the screams of a starving baby. It’s not as if I provide the milk! And besides, mothers are such light sleepers anyway, and they have hormones that make sure they’re not tired. But as a father! Was I to be awoken several times a night, how could I possibly pull off my work well? Or try to get by on a couple hours of sleep!? No, not for me, I need my sleep.

I would also genuinely enjoy my day of not having to constantly worry about things, to remember things, to coordinate multiple factors. I would love the pat on the back, “wow, you have three kids, that’s quite a handful!” And I would agree, but add, that “it’s not that bad, they’re pretty self-sufficient”. I wouldn’t worry about missing work because my kids fell sick, after all, moms like to take care of sick kids, it’s a part of their nurturing nature. I wouldn’t worry about the upcoming PTA meeting, moms are better at discussing educational matters with teachers anyhow. I wouldn’t also consider missing out on a fun event in the evening, I mean, mom is around anyways, she won’t mind spending the evening at home – seriously she never goes out anyways! 

I would enjoy experiencing unconditional love without having to make a major effort. I might even teach a toddler a swear word, because it sounds so funny! Oh, and I would definitely ask for a raise at work, you know with so many kids and all, baby momma needs a family wagon and I need my two-seater sports car, you know, to feel like I’m alive.  

My day might not be all that great though, I would be subject to a lot of unnecessary whining and nagging from my wife, ongoing rants about how exhausted she is and how much she has to juggle, and how little I help out. I mean let’s be real for a moment, what father is not entitled to escape all that hostility and go out for a couple of drinks with the guys? I am after all the father and I work hard, and all she does is stay at home with the kids all day or goes to work, but with shorter hours so she can pick up the kids from daycare and tend to their hobbies. Who wouldn’t want such an easy life? Mother’s can be so controversial and selfish!

I realize several of my statements are exaggerated and far from the full truth, but this is how it feels sometimes. That we're not understood, that it's just not fair. At the same time, it hurts to know how much fathers miss out on! The bond between a child and a mother is so special and there is nothing that compares to it! We pay a high price to become mothers, all from sacrificing our bodies (and sanity) to our free time, but what we get in return, well, there are no words to express the fulfillment, joy and pride motherhood brings us. And that is something I seriously would never change.

In hopes of a beautiful day full of love and appreciation, I want to wish every single mother a fantastic Mother’s Day! This day is for us ladies, let’s make the most of it by embracing how fortunate we are to be mothers through thick and thin!