Feeling overwhelmed?

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Life can get a bit overwhelming at times, regardless of what it is that you do or who you are. If it feels overwhelming or you’re going through something tough, that’s exactly what it is, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. I often hear people say, “but it’s nothing compared to you or what you’re going through”. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like arguing about taste; just because I happen to love peonies, and you might prefer lilies, doesn’t mean that your preference would be worth any less than mine or that it would really make a difference.

The same goes for personal issues or struggles. What may be a huge matter for you, is and remains a huge matter for you, regardless of what someone else might be going through, and it’s pointless to compare them or diminish yourself because you think someone else might be worse off. In all reality, life isn’t always fair, and some are burdened with greater issues than others, but we all have our tough moments. At times it may be wise to choose when it is appropriate to share your issues, but more than often, people who are genuinely battling something big are also often very compassionate and understanding towards others. Those same people will often go through various phases of getting through their personal challenges, and sooner or later, most people choose to not dwell in self-pity, nor want your pity, but instead provide a listening ear to whomever else may need to share their troubles.  

Some years ago, I had a conversation with a friend who had recently had her second child. I asked her how she was doing, and she replied. “I’m managing. I get up in the morning, take care of what needs to be done, and go to bed. The days and weeks pass by, and I manage. But it’s nothing compared to you, taking care of three kids alone.” Wait, what? Ok, yes, I was alone with a toddler and baby twins, but I was definitely not “just managing”, I was enjoying my life. Of course I had (and still have) my bad moments, fair share of sleepless nights and days of exhaustion, but in general, I was happy, and things were going well. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that my situation was considered by many to be a huge endeavor or struggle. For me, what my friend was going through, was however concerning. I remember thinking that if I were to ever feel like I was just “managing”, that I were to end up in a place where days pass by without further meaning, that that would be the end. Well not the end, but not a life that I would ever want for myself, and I would do everything in my power to avoid such a state. I was happy that my friend felt she could talk to me, but I felt bad that she felt she needed to diminish her struggles compared to mine, because she thought I was worse off. Even worse is the fact that I didn’t know what to say, that I sort of just shrugged my shoulders and said with a laugh “c’est la vie”.

Though time has passed since this particular conversation, and I’ve put a lot of thought into it, I still struggle with finding a proper reply. I’m still constantly faced with similar situations and more than often at a loss for words. I don’t mind if people see my life as a struggle, in all honesty it can be at times, but I do mind that people feel the need to try to lessen the importance of their own struggles, because they think complaining about “petty” issues to someone who might be having a harder time than themselves is unjustifiable. I understand very well that life can be tough for others too. You just can’t compare personal emotions! Something that I might not see as a big deal if I were faced with it, could however be huge for you, and trust me I won’t judge you based on that, or think that you’re weak or your emotional roller coaster isn’t real. We all handle things in different ways, just as we struggle with different kinds of matters.        

Now there are of course situations where someone is a lot worse off than you; if you’re sitting comfortably with a full belly and have a roof on top of your head, chances are you’re already better off in many ways than the majority of the population in this world. And there are situations where you may need a reality check, just to realize that maybe things aren’t really as bad as they feel at the time. Quite often it is a really good idea to take a step back and look at the big picture, to help you see what you’re up against. Yet still, if you’re exhausted because your newborn has kept you up for months, or you’re upset because you feel like your significant other isn’t giving you the support or attention that you personally feel you need, you still have every right in the world to turn to someone to complain, to cry, ask for help, express your feelings – without the need to feel like your struggles would be insignificant.

Emotional exhaustion is a massive burden and it will hit us all from time to time, multiple times during our lifespan. Now I’m not talking about clinical depression or any medical conditions, more so, just simply feeling overwhelmed. I strongly advocate the importance of a positive attitude (as you may have noticed from my previous posts), but trust me, my system is far from fool proof and I too genuinely struggle from time to time. However, I don’t give in to those struggles or emotional exhaustion, simply because I can’t, and I won’t. I have an amazing support network, but I’ve also created an internal defense mechanism for myself, which helps me overcome pretty much anything. I also have distractions and hobbies that I can turn to for relief.

Physical exhaustion and I are quite tight; the times I’ve gotten a good uninterrupted sleep of eight hours during the past three years are limited to probably a max of twenty nights. Every now and then the physical exhaustion leads to emotional exhaustion, and that’s when things get overwhelming. Even the smallest tasks can feel like mountains, a tiny hiccup turns into a hurricane. What then? How does one overcome those mountains and hurricanes? For me, that’s where my best friend, the positive attitude, steps into the picture, my internal defense mechanism kicks in, and I know I can turn to my network of friends and family to pick me up, to listen, to support me.

Here are a few tips that I turn to when in need, who knows maybe they can help you too:

Think positive. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; all storms eventually pass. Focus on the good, pay attention to the things that make you smile and laugh, and believe in yourself. Know that you’re a fighter, a warrior hero, that it will take a lot more to stop you from going on – after all, you’ve already come this far, there’s no reason for why you wouldn’t be able to overcome yet another obstacle.

Take a step back, look at the big picture, then break it down. Why are you overwhelmed? What is it that is causing you to feel exhausted? Write it down, then divide it into segments. Every mountain and rock can be chipped into little grains of sand. Too many things going on at the same time? Prioritize, ask for help, speak to someone.

Friends, family and social networks. I’m fortunate to have great friends and family to turn to in all matters, but I’m also a part of several social networks that I can turn to for support. There are numerous family cafés and organizations that you can join to find people in similar situations to vent with, share experiences and ask for advice from. Talking about needing more sleep is not going to provide you with more sleep, but it might help to hear from others how they manage with lacking sleep or try out some tried and tested tips that have worked for them.

Cut yourself some slack. Like seriously, give yourself a break. I’m a perfectionist in recovery, if I may, yet I still have extremely high expectations for myself. I’ve however finally come to accept that everything does not always need to be perfect, and it’s very liberating. Cutting corners, serving store bought cookies at a birthday (ok, this one is still pushing it for me), or purchasing ready-made Halloween costumes for the girls instead of always making everything out of scratch is perfectly acceptable, and trust me, no one will judge you. Dinner doesn’t always need to be something home-prepared and healthy, just feed your kids and they will be happy. Too tired to do the housework? Then don’t, do it the next day.

Laugh. Laughter is by far one of the best remedies for pretty much anything. (Apart from when recovering from a C-section or any other operation that has left you with your abdomen cut in two – laughter is an absolute no-no in this case..) Situation comedy, laughing at yourself, watching a good standup show on YouTube, reminiscing on something hilarious with a friend, anything that will have you laughing in tears is your go-to!

Be appreciative. We have been brainwashed to taking so many things for granted in life, that we have simply forgotten to appreciate normal things. What comes around, goes around, and good things truly happen to good people. Everyone appreciates a compliment, a thank you or “please”. Appreciate the people around you, the amenities you have, and yourself. Pay attention to your surroundings, don’t just see the good in people, but also let them know how you feel. Last but not least, remember to give yourself compliments and praise, chances are, you’ve neglected to notice – or have simply forgotten, how amazing you are and what all you can accomplish.